Let’s start with the number one in my life my mom
Mom I’m sorry for the wrong that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’ve made you what you’ve become
I’m sorry that I’ve been young and dumb
In the 14 years all the fucked up nights and even more fucked up tears
I’m sorry that we never had dad
I’m sorry that you smile and still are sad
I’m sorry that I’ve never been happy with what I have
or how I could ever focus on the stupid shit like math
Yeah it’s kind of sad isn’t it how I could be so blind and so ignorant
I’m sorry for all of the lies that I’ve told
I’m sorry for all the looks that of been so cold
The times I’ve been stupid and let myself be sold
I just couldn’t stop picking up the dice I rolled
I was too bold to fold too stupid to be no’d
Never paid the debts I owed
Now I can’t even feel my soul
Can’t even breathe at all
My dreams are constant freefalls
A freefall off a cliff is lethal
It’s where I’m going stop me
Actually no don’t cause you actually would stop me
But how can you not tell I cannot breathe
I’m dying and I’m trapped driving in the front seat
Crashed into wall then I broke my neck
All these people use me like there’s some sort of debt
But what’s really going on is I’m sick of the shit
What’s really going on is that there’s no more respect
Respect what’s that sounds fucking whack
The fuck is that
That shit just make me laugh
No more will I fall and cry
No more will I listen to your lies
No more will I sit in fear
No more will I down these beers
No more holes in the walls
No more late nights and drunk calls
No more will you hear my voice
No more will you have the choice
No more will I be afraid of you looking at them even though were dating
No more will I say you no more because no matter what I say you’re still a whore
And all my friends wonder why I’m still sore
Well it’s probably because I never settled the score

BASEMENTS DEMO

She won she fucked me she broke me
she chucked me she used me abused me
I said beggars can’t be choosey
Well beggars can be usey
Yeah beggars just use me
Then pump me full with an uzi
Pump me full with an uzi?
No more will I will I hold in wait
No more will I suffocate in hate
No more will I close the drapes
Because I’m scared of something that I can’t escape
It follows the hollow those filled with sorrow
Those just trying to find tomorrow
Are who it follows
And it only walks and stalks
Maybe it’s just trying to talk
Hold up why’s it got a Glock
Oh fuck

I’ve gone mad is that would you want to hear
That I’ve cried these tears since you’ve not been here
That the old me is washed away and paved the way for a brand new J
And they’re ain’t really that much else to say
Except to say I kinda miss the way
The old me was was and it’s not saying that I’m not young
But is to say that I miss being dumb being naïve
And caught up in a plan and not developing my own
That I could ever understand
Not feeling how I am is a tiny grain of sand
Not seeing all the lies and not giving a damn
When my mind saw purpose and I wasn’t sad
Now most of y’all wouldn’t believe the dreams I’ve had
The nightmares I’ve lived would drive the devil mad
And they were the reason I fell from good to bad
Good to bad they’re the reason I went from sane to mad
The reason I never called my dad
The reason why I have to run the trap
But it’s not like I run my life
It’s more like a six-inch knife in my side
Going right through my lung in my heart
I can’t breathe and I can’t love but I also can’t depart now
Because my demons hold it in so I can’t bleed out
My demons hold it in so I can’t bleed out now
My demons hold it in so I can’t bleed out
I’m in, I’m in so much pain but I can’t bleed out.






© julieN All Rights Reserved 2020 music@julie-n.com